I think I just saw someone hide a body.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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