She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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