a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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