Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
