i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
