and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
