My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
