I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
