remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
