MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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