so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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