Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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