my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
