I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
