I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
