A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
