how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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