Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
