If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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