I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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