Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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