ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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