Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
