I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
