I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
