If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
