ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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