Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
