so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
