He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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