So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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