what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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