PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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