where am i from again
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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