Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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