how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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