I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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