GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
