I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
