I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
