Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
