I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
