Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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