She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i out mim tonsoeep
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
