Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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