If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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