There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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