theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
