what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
