you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
