It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
