I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
