Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
