I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
