I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
