Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
my liver is dry heaving
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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