she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
