She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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