We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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