God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize