are you still at the devil's house?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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