Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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