he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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