New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize