You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
