Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
