Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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