you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Semen is not good for contacts.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
